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the very start, I was day and night living in light. The bioenergy that feeds
our brain is not visible in the normal individual, but after the awakening it
becomes distinctly perceptible.
Suppose you try to visualize New York City and you then see it in the
normal way. But now if I try to visualize New York, I see it bathed in light
against a bright background in the back of my head. My imagination is
virtually glowing like an ever burning light, and all my thoughts, all my
reasoning, all my calculation, is done in this light. So there is a radical
change in the mental stuff and one lives in a world of light. The very first
verses of Panchastavi makes this clear by calling the energy by two names -
the abode of light and the abode of sound - and both are present in me. I
constantly have music in my ears. Constantly I hear a sound like the
murmur of bees, or like bells that are ringing at a distance, or like a stream
that is gently flowing. It is beautiful music, always present in my ear, and an
effulgent light is always present in the back of my head. It pervades my
visual field of perception, both internally and externally; internally in
dreams, internally when I am imagining something, and even internally
when I turn my attention inward. Or if I close my eyes I see a starry sky
glowing, just as on a clear night you see a sky shimmering with starlight.
When I turn my vision outward on the world, I see everything bathed in a
silvery light, like an enchanted place.
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The light and the sound are the two most prominent signs of a spiritual
awakening, or in Christian terms, of a spiritual rebirth; also inspiration and
revelation. They are considered to be the signs of one being born again. In
all the authoritative books on spiritual or mystical experience, these
symptoms, including bliss and inner happiness, are mentioned repeatedly.
There is an ever-welling fountain of happiness. This is one thing, the other
is that it is attended by music in the ears and light in the head, an entrancing
and absorbing light. Then there are also deeper insights, knowledge,
inspiration and poetry. In some it may be art or it may be sculpture, etc.
They come spontaneously. These creative gifts come from inside, even if
one has had absolutely no attachment nor any aptitude or predilection for
such things.
For instance, I began to write poetry like a child. I felt an irresistible urge.
My ears and brain were working together so that ultimately I composed
some good pieces of poetry in my own language and in other languages,
though I had no knowledge of rhyme or meter. It was only afterwards that I
read some books about rhyming, but not before. There is the case of the
Indian sage Janaka, who started to write transcendental poetry from the age
of eight and astounded his teachers and his parents. It must have been a case
of the prana being awakened from birth. Prana awakened is the fount of
genius, the fount of creative gifts in man. To what extent it will lead in the
future I cannot even dream at present. It can lead to such discoveries of
science as are totally beyond our thought at the moment.
There are two phases to the spiritual awakening. The first is when the
energy is working to adjust the inner organs and the brain to the new
condition. During that period, any physiologist can see an unusual activity
going on in the body. For years my pulse rate was about 100, just like a
baby s. And then my appetite increased during one period to an enormous
extent, so that I could eat about ten times what I was normally eating. But
during those days the body had already been adjusted to some extent, and
my elimination remained normal. I gained weight, of course. But at the
same time, what was more important is that I survived. I survived though I
had made a mistake. I had again begun to meditate, though my body was
not yet adjusted to the former awakening. Somehow I started to meditate
anyway, and I opened the centre in the brain even further. Now, the opening
of this centre needs a greater flow of the new bioenergy, otherwise there is
either insanity or death.
During the first period, the bioenergy flows into the brain from the
reproductive organs. One can easily see the sensations and feel the flow all
the time. This I have confirmed from other people also. In the beginning
stages, the flow of energy into the brain creates such an irritation of the
nervous system that there are constant orgasms going on inward. I was
frightened because I thought that something abnormal had happened to me.
It is a condition that can be easily observed, if the spiritual awakening is
genuine. No observing scientist can doubt it, because it can be easily
verified in a laboratory. During the first days of the awakening there is a
tremendous pressure on the sexual organs. One can feel them moving with
tremendous activity. It is as if an all-out effort is being made to produce as
much sexual fluid as possible, to be absorbed into the organs, into the
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nerves and the brain, so that the new nerve energy is able to circulate
without causing disturbance.
When we have an infection, the body tries to throw it out, and the organs
work with increased activity; there is higher temperature and the heart beats
faster. It is the same after the awakening. In the beginning stages, it seems
as if a foreign element has entered the body, and the reaction follows. Ulti-
mately, there is a battle between the energy and the organs, and they are
subdued. The nerves become accustomed to it and then a person again
becomes normal. Now I am just like a normal person. I don t perceive the
energy flowing through my nerves, because they have accustomed to it. In
the beginning, however, the sensations were very acute and I was constantly
disturbed.
In the case of insanity and psychosis, one always finds the people affected
complaining of sensations - burning, terrible lights, fire, noises. That means
the prana is in a morbid state, when the nervous system is not in proper
order, or when the heredity is not favourable, or when the person s life is
not well disciplined. Then the bioenergy or prana, now flowing, is unable to
adjust the body. I passed through almost every stage during the course of
my experience. One thing was of great importance: Heaven bestowed on me
a tremendous power of mental endurance. Every day I witnessed in my own
self something which I could only ascribe to insanity. And yet something
was assuring me, be patient, this will end in a beautiful way. You have to
endure this torment for a short time. This happened in dreams especially.
When I was terribly agitated, all I had to do was recline on a bed. Then I
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